Thoughts on The Human Experience -A Moment In The City

When we meet someone along our journey do we take the moment at hand and truly connect with that individual? I find the answer can go either way, we can glance polity and turn away or we may even speak a few words to form a momentary connection. What would happen if we truly directed our energy to finding out more about that wonderful being sitting or standing next to us? I desire to believe it would make for a more enriching experience for all. Maybe not in short order but over time we would come together rather than continue in the illusion of “separateness”. So it was for me during a  moment sitting in the city that never sleeps in a coffee house well known by all. There I was observing and being part of a human experience. Though surrounded by humanity not connected as we could  truly, deeply be ,even for a moment. Because of fear, distrust, worry that someone may get a peak at our true selves?  I wonder.

What is a Caregiver?

You wake up each morning and your first thoughts are of your loved one. As you rise out of bed you run down a list in your mind of all the things necessary for your loved one’s care today. Before you tend to your own needs, you are bathing, dressing or preparing their meal. The rest of your day is organized around assuring that the needs of your family member are met. Who are you? You are a caregiver.

Who are Caregivers?

Caregivers are unique but not rare. There are millions of caregivers, like you, all around the globe. And the numbers are continuing to grow. Most commonly, caregivers are spouses and children of an elderly and sick loved one. But caregiving is gradually moving into the extended family. Nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins, as well as friends become caregivers too.

Although every caregiving situation is unique, caregivers as a community are not alone. They are in good company. Caregiving crosses all cultures, races, ages, and socioeconomic status. Caregivers can be found from coast to coast. They are located in the country and in the city. Grocery clerks to CEOs are caring for loved ones. And as time marches forward, more and more homes become havens for caregiving as the over 65 population increases and medical needs become more complex.

As caregivers increase in number, support services for caregivers are also developing and expanding. But who are these caregivers and what does it take to live and hopefully thrive as a caregiver? Let’s examine some of the qualities that caregivers come to possess.

Qualities of a Caregiver

Compassion. One of the most obvious qualities is compassion. Compassion is the ability to feel sympathy and empathy for another’s situation. It is deeply understanding and relating to the discomfort and pain of another human being. Caregivers experience genuine compassion for those in their care. They express this compassion through their gentle words as well as their every act of caring.

Resiliency. Resiliency is the capability to recover or adjust easily to change. Caregiving is an emotional rollercoaster. It is painful to witness a loved one move from healthy, active and fully functioning, to sick and sedentary. The capacity to adapt to this change in your loved one’s condition as well as the change in lifestyle that caring for them entails becomes a significant task, one which tests and challenges a caregiver’s resiliency on an almost daily basis. Yet, more often than not, caregivers rise to the occasion.

Patience. Caregivers possess infinite patience. Patience is the quality of remaining calm and steadfast even in the presence of difficulty. Caregivers endure many hardships and trials while caring for a loved one, including the repetitiveness of the daily caregiving routine and disruption to their own life. Yet they tirelessly persevere often without complaint, becoming an unfaltering anchor for their loved one and family.

Selflessness. Caregivers are generally more concerned with their loved one’s welfare than their own. They perform selfless acts of caregiving on a daily basis, without pay and often without recognition. Countless hours are spent tending to the physical, emotional, medical, and even financial needs of a loved one, while one’s own needs become secondary. These selfless gifts make a caregiver particularly special.

Strength. Many caregivers do not consider themselves to be strong. Yet the daily responsibilities of caregiving require an inner and outer strength. Strength is sometimes apparent but is often times more subtle. Being there for your loved one, family and for yourself draws upon a deep internal well of strength that may have been untapped in the past. This type of strength stands out in caregivers.

Resourcefulness. Caregivers meet and handle a myriad of challenging and diverse situations. Through it all they become a source of support that is the very core of resourcefulness. If they are unable to provide a solution or a particular kind of assistance, they find the external resources (organizations, agencies, services) that can help.

Unconditional Love. Above all else caregivers are an endless supply of unconditional love. Love is what drives the caregiver. This kind of love does have expectations or judgments attached. Unconditional love has no limits or barriers; it does not require reciprocal return. This is the level of love exchanged by caregivers and loved ones on a daily basis all around us.

You are a Caregiver

It goes without saying that caregivers are human beings. As human beings they are naturally flawed. The strength to deal with the daily challenges of caregiving comes and goes. Despite the ups and downs, placed in situations they could not have predicted, caregivers are the day to day heroes and champions of the human spirit. All humans have innate virtues. Caregiving taps into these virtues on a more regular basis, calling forth the best of our human qualities, characteristics and strengths. Defying any single definition – you are a caregiver.

Releasing Guilt Over Tough Decisions

Caregiving Daughter: “Mom’s condition is beginning to worsen.”

Caregiving Son: “I know. She is requiring more and more care.”

Daughter: “I don’t think we can care for her at home any longer. She needs more care then we can offer. But I feel so guilty even considering a nursing home.”

Son: “Me too. Is it what she would want? I feel bad…”

Daughter: “We have to come to a decision soon…”

The above conversation represents a common and often inevitable crossroad that arrives along the path of caregiving. When the increasing level of caregiving responsibility becomes too difficult to handle, family members are faced with some tough life-altering decisions.

Is it time to place mom in a care facility?

What are the implications of this decision on our entire family?

What about the promise we made to care for dad at home?

These questions stir up complex deeply held emotions and there are no easy answers. Knowing when it is necessary to choose care outside the home is a very individual decision. When you are weighing your options, some things to consider are:

• Are my loved one’s medical needs beyond the scope of home care?

• Are other areas in my life being significantly neglected due to caregiving responsibilities?

• Is my own physical and emotional well-being becoming compromised?

• What is the long term picture of my loved one’s condition?

As signs become more apparent, the decision to place a loved one in a care facility can be an unavoidable choice for many families. Once the decision is made many family members feel mixed emotions. These emotions are natural. They spring from a place of love and caring. While every person has a unique response, they tend to fall along a common emotional range:

1. Denial. There is a period of time when reality of a loved one’s situation is blocked out. This basic defense mechanism arises when painful emotions begin to surface and we are not ready to deal with them.

2. Guilt. Feelings of remorse are natural as reality sets in. Guilt is frequently accompanied by self-blame and questioning. Could I be doing more? What could I have done differently?

3. Helplessness. Often there is very little a loved one can do to change the situation – so feelings of helplessness creep in. These feelings can be overwhelming at times.

4. Anger. Feelings of helplessness often lead to anger. Often misdirected instead of acknowledged, anger may be expressed outwardly or inwardly.

5. Sadness. Underneath many emotions there is sadness. Sadness is a natural outgrowth of caring and love. As families deal with change, sadness becomes a form of pre-emptive grief.

6. Relief. Along with the various degrees of difficult emotions, there is often relief – a sense of a burden beginning to lighten as primary care responsibility is transferred. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step. The following thoughts are designed to offer comfort as well as inspiration when you find yourself in the throes of emotional upheaval:

• Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Feelings are neither “right” nor “wrong.” They are a natural part of being human.

• Talk to somebody about your feelings. Whether it is a trusted friend or professional therapist, talking about your feelings is necessary for emotional as well as physical health.

• Recognize that you are doing the best that you can under difficult circumstances. Be kind and compassionate with yourself and release feelings of guilt.

• There are many good self-help books about the subject of caregiving and transitioning a loved one into a care facility. Ask friends or colleagues to recommend a good one.

• Surround yourself with your support system. Communication is crucial during these periods of stress and transition.

• Use coping tools to keep stress at a minimal. While things are chaotic around you, do your best to make time for relaxation, self-care and fun.

• Talk with your loved one openly and honestly. Give them a chance to express and process their own feelings. Use deep, attentive and nonjudgmental listening.

Nobody sets out in their life to care for a loved one and be responsible for making decisions on their behalf. But life takes unpredictable turns. Help and support is available if you remember to reach out. Each crossroad undertaken, every challenge surpassed, each hurdle crossed, contributes to the rich experience of caregiving.

Food For Your Spirit

Food and nutrition, at the most basic level, sustains your body’s good health. Finding food sources for the body is as easy as entering your local grocery or health food store or stopping at your local produce stand. Finding food to feed your spirit is another process altogether, not as easily fulfilled but so much more satisfying.

There are countless recipes to feed your spirit. The way you choose to make your personal “spiritual meal” is for you alone to decide. Some spiritual ingredients include love, compassion, understanding, empathy, forgiveness, and kindness.

How to Feed Your Spirit

We all have life lessons that provide us the opportunity to participate in, grow in, and celebrate our sprit. All life experience has the potential to be sacred of we look past the day-to – day events in which we are so intertwined.

Mortal life and spiritual growth are intermixed. Exploring how and why we treat each other the way we do is the center for our spiritual growth. We become teachers and students alike to one another. Even through our very human interactions, we become masters of feeding the soul.
Be open to experiences that have the potential to feed your soul, even if those experiences are less then enjoyable. Inevitably, life will present you with situations that are outside of your comfort zone. Open yourself to new possibilities in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Most humans believe life is built upon this precarious equation: if a situation feels uncomfortable, then the anticipated outcome is to be avoided. Yet, from the spiritual perspective, life’s “toughest” lessons are the most worthwhile for spiritual growth.

When you avoid situations because of pain or discomfort, then you miss the hidden treasures. So, when coming into new relationships and situations, try to see with “new” eyes any opportunities that present themselves. Whether the opportunity is personal or work related, be in that place of openness of heart.

Ask to see the truth and beauty, and watch them emerge from the experience you are enjoying. After you have amassed a certain amount of experience in this opportunity, you will develop a greater appreciation of how the experience will nurture your spirit and propel you along your journey.

Attempt to find a place within you, a place of openness, love, peace, joy, and contentment-a sacred space of the heart. With time, every experience will blend into your spirit and give you a deeper meaning and appreciation of what is actually occurring. If you bring this dynamic into all experiences as you live your life, you will find a new way of living and dealing with your life’s situations. This strategy is the cornerstone of feeding your spirit through life experiences.

As you find openness within you, new meanings and values will emerge. Practice being free of expectations, and maintain that openness throughout all of your experiences of daily living. In time, this will become more and more natural. Allow yourself to evolve into a more spiritual way of living.

Ways to Nourish Your Spirit

Spend time in nature. There is a reason we feel tranquil when surrounded by nature. Nature is a direct expression of divine sources. Spending time in nature connects us with our original spiritual essence.

Meditate. Meditation helps to strip away the false layers of the self. Through meditation, we find what is benevolent and pure in our hearts. Once we move beyond limiting thoughts into “observer” mode, we open to a whole new realm of being.

Move your body. When we mindfully, compassionately, and enthusiastically move the body, we align our mind and spirit as well. Yoga, walking, dancing, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, and other mindful movements are good for the body as well as the sprit.

Spend time with friends. Spending time with true friends who love us unconditionally is a spiritual experience. We come to see ourselves as they see us, as wondrous, supportive individuals.

Write a poem. When we participate in a creative endeavor such as poetry writing, we spark the intuitive side of ourselves that is so akin to spirituality.

A person on the path to discovering her or his true self seeks spiritual nourishment and enrichment as an important priority. As you move along your life journey, feed your body, care for your body, balance your body, but also feed your spirit.

The Intuitive Mind

Einstein “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

There is nothing overly-mystical about intuition. Yet many people are confused by the numerous misconceptions surrounding intuition. Misconceptions such as – intuition is only used by a few gifted individuals. Others relegate the use of intuition to the gypsies, psychics and charlatans of the world. The truth is – while intuition is a special and precious ability, it is not just in some of us, it is in all of us. And you use it, whether you are aware of it or not, on a day to day basis.

What is intuition really?

Intuition is described in countless ways. Basically, it is that sense that often defies logic or reason, which propels you toward or away from a person or situation. Call it a “gut feeling” or “knowing.” Call it your connection to your inner wisdom. Whatever you call it, it is the internal guidance system that you were born with.

What happens to our intuition?

Unfortunately, as we grow older we tend to put intuition aside or shrug it off. Over time, we become inclined to get further and further away from our inner voice. This phenomenon happens because we are conditioned to pay more attention to our outer world then our inner world. In our society, greater value is placed on external achievements then on personal growth and awareness of feelings. Starting as children we begin to lose contact with ourselves as we are encouraged to do more and accomplish more. Emphasis is placed on behaviors and achievement, very little reinforcement is offered for being in touch with emotions. Sometimes it is even discouraged. Why is being in touch with emotions important? Because emotions and “feelings” are the language of intuition.

Throughout life most people seem to lose sight of their intuition. However, it never truly disappears. You can never fully disconnect from it because it is hardwired as part of your nature. Yet, you can temporarily block your awareness of intuition or ignore it all together as many people do.

Purposes of Intuition

Intuition serves a multitude of purposes. A main function of intuition is to steer you clear of danger and distress. It is plain to see that when you block or ignore your intuitive “feelings” the results are not favorable. Often we find ourselves in uncomfortable or unwanted situations because we did not listen to that subtle voice or feeling that told us to stay away. How many times have we found ourselves saying, “I knew this would happen, but I ignored the feeling…” That was your intuition speaking to you.

Your intuition also assists you in making decisions. Whether you realize or not, whenever you decide to do or not to do something, your intuition always contributes to the final decision. The next time you are caught between two options, take a moment to pause and check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “What is the best decision here?” and listen for a subtle message or feel for a subtle tug. Whether it is the small practical decisions (what to have for dinner), or major decisions (where to live/work), it is wise to become familiar with the always present impressions coming from your intuition.

Another primary function of your intuition is to move you forward on your highest path. Our intuition always has our best and highest interest in mind. It has an all-knowing quality to it and is able to see the bigger picture. Our intuition can even provide glimpses into our potential future. When we are shifting away from this path our intuition kicks in to let us know. It offers feelings and messages that steer us back in our intended direction.

Awakening Intuition

There are many tools and methods for raising your awareness of your intuition at work. The first is to acknowledge that you are a naturally intuitive being. There are many wonderful books on the topic of intuition, see which one you are drawn to and begin to read up on the topic.

The next step is to start paying attention to the subtle underlying feelings and sensations that communicate with you from within. Pause throughout your day, quiet your mind and check in with your feelings. Recognize that those feelings are always there beneath the whirlwind of your thoughts and actions.

Once you recognize the presence of intuition, begin to practice trusting it. Start with small tests: see if you can intuit who is on the phone before you answer it (don’t cheat and look at the caller ID), or trust when your gut tells you to bring an umbrella with you to work (even if the forecast doesn’t call for rain). Notice when your intuition is right on target.

The Basics of Intuition

Your intuition is there for you. Always guiding and protecting. Once you understand that you can more consciously and bring intuition into your life. When you actively employ your intuition, then your life flows with more effortless ease and purpose. Your confidence in your ability to handle life’s challenges will improve and your energy will therefore increase. With patience and trust, you can harness the power of your intuition and make it work for you.

Goals, Goals And Well, More Goals.. So Here Is More On Goals

Having trouble achieving your goals? Too many obstacles in your way? Could it be you are focused too much on the issues that you believe stand in your way of being successful? Taking your eyes off the obstacles just long enough to see the opportunities will make achieving your goals a little easier. We allhave moments when our goals seem out of reach, just reach a little farther.

What is An Idea Worth? We Have All Heard It Before

What is an idea worth?

Nothing, unless there is action behind it.

Ideas, preparation, and knowledge,
are all useless without action,
because action is the starting point of all progress.

Do you have specific, definable, implementable goals?

Identify your most important goals

Create success habits . . .

Remember, nothing happens until something moves.

All the best in business,
Marcus

Signs and Symptoms of Stress

Potential stressors are everywhere, making stress an everyday fact of life. For caregivers the level of stress may be higher and the consequences more extreme. That is why understanding stress and developing effective coping skills is essential for a good quality of life for everybody, especially caregivers and their loved ones.

What is stress?

Stress is our unique response to stressors; these stressors can be people, places, events, feelings or ways of thinking. Stress is our individual reaction to any stimuli perceived as disruptive, overwhelming, threatening, dangerous, offensive, or negative. We could also say that stress is our personal reaction to sudden or gradual change.

The Stress Response

When we encounter a stressor, our bodies respond in an automatic way that is designed to help us handle the situation. We instinctually respond with a physiological “fight or flight” mechanism. This response accesses adrenal hormones that heighten our senses, tense up our muscles and prepare us to deal with threat/danger. These biochemical changes allow for quick bursts of energy which are needed when fighting a predator or fleeing from an emergency. But this exaggerated automatic response is not appropriate for every day stressors like traffic, taking an exam, paying overdue bills or caring for a loved one.

Long-term Consequences of Stress

The body is designed to return to its normal state (or homeostasis) once the stress has passed. However, when stressors are unrelenting or we are unable to effectively manage stress, then the body is unable to recuperate. That is when stress can become harmful.

By now, we are all familiar with “stress-related” disorders. Currently, stress is linked to insomnia, high blood pressure, heart disease, digestive tract disturbances (gastritis, ulcers), irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraines, neck/back problems, cancer, and the list goes on.

Living with Stress

Part of effectively managing stress is learning to accept it as part of life. Some stress is avoidable, some stress is unavoidable. Once you know your stressors and recognize your personal signs of stress, you can learn to control your response and even react in a more positive manner. As with anything else, awareness and understanding is the first key step.

Signs and Symptoms of Stress

Symptoms of stress fall into 4 main categories as listed below, physical, emotional, cognitive (changes in thinking/attitude) and behavioral.

Physical Symptoms

• Irregular heart rate
• Shallow breathing
• Increased perspiration/sweating
• Upset stomach (“butterflies” or “knots” in the stomach)
• Muscle tension (stiff neck, tense shoulders, clenched jaw)
• Headaches
• Back pain
• Fatigue
• Frequent colds or flu
• Significant weight gain or weight loss

Emotional Symptoms

• Irritability/easily frustrated or upset
• Impatience/restlessness
• Anger or hostility
• Anxiety
• Depression/helplessness
• Overwhelmed/out of control

Changes in Attitude and Thinking

• Pessimism/negative thoughts
• Poor concentration
• Ambivalence
• Forgetfulness
• Self-criticism/self-blame
  
  

Changes in Behavior

• Changes in eating patterns (too much or too little)
• Being accident prone
• Difficulty communicating
• Relationship issues develop
• Easily angered/shouting often
• Changes in sleeping patterns
• Increase in smoking or drinking
• Driving recklessly

Stress Management

As children, we would have benefited from being taught stress management as a necessary life skill. Yet it is never too late to learn. Stress management does not have to be complicated or expensive. There are many tools and strategies that you can begin to employ immediately. Consider the following practical and simple methods for reducing and even avoiding stress:

Time Management. Learn how to take charge of your life by managing your time well. Make “to do” lists, focus on one task at a time, plan enough time to complete each task and whenever possible – simplify your life.

Attitude Management. Reflect upon your attitude toward life and notice if you lean toward negative self-talk or pessimism. Switch to positive thinking, encourage yourself using positive words and phrases such as “I can effectively manage stress by taking one day at a time.”

Support System. A healthy support system of friends, family and co-workers makes dealing with stress much easier. Develop trusting relationships where you feel safe talking about your feelings. Consider joining a support group or a social club to be around others in similar circumstances.

Set Limits. Learn to say “no” when you start to feel overwhelmed. Walk away from stressful situations whenever feasible. A few minutes away can help you keep things in perspective and regain your balance.

Relaxation Techniques. There are many relaxation techniques that are easy to learn and simple to use. Meditation, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery use the power of the mind to relax the body.

Healthy Lifestyle. Your overall lifestyle should incorporate stress reduction and reflect a balance of work and play. Taking responsibly for one’s own self-care by eating right, getting regular exercise and making time for fun and pleasurable activities can make all the difference.

Everyone has Stress

Managing stress is no longer a luxury; it is an essential skill that keeps us happy, healthy and balanced. As a society where stress seems to be the norm, we have made significant adaptations to account for the amount of stress inherent in modern living. Yet each of us needs to develop a workable set of coping tools that we can use actively and proactively in our lives. Start today with small changes – understand stress, be aware of your personal symptoms and incorporate a few stress reduction tools into your life.

Judged By Your Looks

I wanted to share with you a brief thought today.

For those of you who know me, they can more than likely tell you
that I am an observer of humankind.
I have an annoying habit to some of noticing
just about everything that goes on around me.
The reason I even comment on this is,
I take notice of people and how they react to others they come in contact with.

I have been going to a local eatery in my town for many years,
the food is good, it’s close to my office and the people
who work there are a kind, caring, loving group.

I have gotten to know some of these individuals,
and even have come to the point
to call a few of them “friends”,
they are spirits just as we all are.

One young woman is very nice,
but I have overheard comments about the fact that she has a number of tattoos.

Well, I have to say to those who judge others
by physical appearance only and do not take the time
or effort to get to know the spirit of that person,
I say this.

You are on your own path, your journey is for you and you alone.
I do not judge you for your comments or beliefs.

I simple say to you

‘If Jesus, Buddha, or whom every you find to have
Spiritual importance in your life returned tomorrow
and walked among us again,
would you recognize him by what he wore or by what he did?’”

May your day be filled with all that you need

Is Being Grateful a Choice? Is Loving a Choice?

We have a choice in what way our lives develop. That choice is a journey either based in love and gratitude or in hate and fear. That choice is yours. We all have free will, no matter what we think at any particular moment. Those who make a choice for love, live in beauty. Those who do not choose love can be exposed to ugliness beyond comprehension.

People’s Lives are not What They May Seem

A life being lived in love and beauty is not necessarily apparent from the exterior. We cannot look at the people around us and determine what kind of life they have by their beauty, their possessions, or their “luck.” We can only know their quality of life if we are given the opportunity to see their soul—rarely does the spirit allow such exposure.

We could be grateful for the life we have rather than resenting what appears to be a better, more fulfilling, experience in the lives of those we see around us. The illusion that life is less fulfilling for some than for others is a stumbling block on the road to learning important life lessons.

Be Grateful for What You Have

When was the last time you were grateful for the breeze blowing across your face or the warmth of the sun shining down upon you? How about being grateful for the ability to hear an argument or disagreement with a loved one? What if one or more of your senses were taken away for just one day? How grateful would you be upon its return? Do you think you would take for granted your ability to see, hear, touch, or taste ever again?

We can live in the spiritual world of love and beauty and still be “materially grateful” just as we can when our physical lives are a mess. If we have faith in the guidance of that small voice within, if we willingly follow its lead, a most unexplainable sense of joy, serenity, and security will thrive within us. We know we are spiritually safe no matter what happens to our physical bodies. Practice being grateful for what you have instead of dwelling on that which is lacking. No matter how difficult your experiences may be in this lifetime, there are always those who have more difficult life experiences.

Forward-Thinking Helps us Face Each Day

If we can accept the concept of spirit, that we are much more than our physical selves, maybe we can be grateful for our situation instead of focusing on what we perceive may be better. This forward looking attitude gives us grace, hope, and power in the knowledge that no matter how difficult the waves are at the beginning of the race, smooth sailing is ours. Through loving, caring, and sharing, we serve others with a constant sense of spiritual joy that continues to expand and never diminishes. Be the best person you can be. Do not let fear, desire for physical possessions, or wishing to live someone else’s life interfere with your spiritual growth. Look within yourself for life’s satisfaction—be grateful, even just for today.

From a spiritual perspective, life is an endless stream of choices. These choices include our attitude about life. Although difficult circumstances and human suffering still exist, it is our choice to dwell in that suffering or to focus on the joy and beauty that surround us. Why wait for suffering to end? Begin being thankful now and enjoy your life.

This is an article I wrote for InnerRewards.com (c) InnerRewards.com 2008